well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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