My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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