My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
