I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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