Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
