Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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