I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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