What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Your mouth is God's brothel.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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