bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
