i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
