Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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