woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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