I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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