if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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