I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
