this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
