Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
