Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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