I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
