You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
