Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
