I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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