have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
