I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
