i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
