were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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