And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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