i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
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Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
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I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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