i need an iv and a liver transplant
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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