he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
