I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
