He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
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