grandma shit on top of the toilet
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
