4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
