I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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