the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
