My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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