just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
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I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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