Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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