Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
