i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
