Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
