Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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