apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
