Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
