hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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