Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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