I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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