someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
