mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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