i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
