i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize