when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
