I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize