It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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