If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
