So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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