Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
