Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The air was thick with penises
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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