i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
