i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
