Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
