I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
