I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
