I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
