I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
