I'm gonna have a badass scar
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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