Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
