I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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